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Joke of the Day

"My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway."

"Coworker:I'll take care if it. *Translation* You're gonna take care of it. You just don't know it yet."

"I feel like a text is too serious without an ""lol"" or ""haha"" in there somewhere."

"For breakfast this morning... I had ebola cereal!"

"What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend? On the front page of reddit."

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out"

"I just ordered a cup of coffee from a BP gas station. The attendant spilled it. Why am I not surprised?"

"Why is it easy for light bulbs to travel? Because they pack light."

"I don't want to be racist.... so stop trying to make me to take up competitive running!"

"Women and not finding me attractive. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."