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Joke of the Day

"You know how they say ""you are what you eat""? I don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning"

"Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dining room, patio..."

"Why can't you keep a secret in a cornfield? There's too many ears"

"""Your honor, I call Shakira's hips to the stand"" *looks at the defense* ""You guys are so fucked"""

"[At the ferret store] I'll take five of those furry slinkys"

"What's a cats favorite firearm? A meowser"

"Who has the most karma on Reddit? Buddha."

"Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States."

"Why is Michael Jackson not able to back into a parking space? Because he is dead."

"If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity."