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Joke of the Day

"Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife. He defends himself by saying ""I am not a cook""."

"Why do Jewish women love circumcisions? They'll get their hands on anything that's 10% off."

"What kind of cheese should Richard eat? Ricotta"

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!"

"What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart? A knife."

"I saw a squirrel pooping the other day. Shit's Nuts..."

"I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, ""Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume ? Because they are ugly and they stink !"

"If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck... ...it'll be a vacuum!"

"[in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME"