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Joke of the Day

"""Your finest Scotch, please."" ""Yes, sir,"" the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape."

"What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween? Mash-scara!"

"What's the shortest organ in a goat? An ISIS member!"

"THANKSGIVING ICEBREAKERS: (1) Obama, am I right? (2) Ebola, am I right? (3) Was his full name Bugs Bunny or was he just a bunny named Bugs?"

"The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses."

"How do you make hard cider? Put it in the freezer."

"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa? Santa stops at 3 'Ho's'"

"So what do you do for a living? Im in organ trafficking. Fu** ! Dont you have a heart? Was that a critic or an order?"

"[date] Me: Have you ever had it so deep your toes curl? Her: No, I'd love that Me: [pulls out 15th century poetry book] get ready Her: um"

"I just bought myself a can of Lynx Africa. I always wondered what AIDS, famine and civil war smelt like."