40401

Joke of the Day

"Why do gnomes laugh when they go for a run? Because the grass tickles their balls. Merry Christmas!"

"for those who received a book from me this Christmas. They're due back at the library tomorrow."

"A man goes to the Doctor for a physical. The doctor says, ""I'm sorry but you are going to need to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" the man asks. The doctor says, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Why couldn't the Duke of Esterhazy find his music composer? Because he was Haydn."

"Me:*looks up from phone* Okay, it was Mr. Plum in the ballroom with the wrench. Family: M: Mom: We stopped playing that game 5 hours ago."

"I live for the nods pedestrians give when you stop to let them cross."

"What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes? Tripoli batteries."

"Why did Napoleon return from exile? He needed more Elba room."

"1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a woman 'what's wrong?'"

"Butterflies (by Kevin L. Schwartz) All these years later and you still give me butterflies. It's crazy. I told you a decade ago I quit collecting."