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Joke of the Day
"Why couldn't the Duke of Esterhazy find his music composer? Because he was Haydn."
Next Joke
"ME to BF: ""We need to talk about the future."" BF: ""what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"""
"Dad: I'm so hungry. Me: Hi, so hungry I'm son! *Dad turns head very slowly* [camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]"
"Hello. I'm the guy who sleepeats thousands of spiders every year and screws up the average for everyone. Sorry for scaring you."
"If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark."
"What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out."
"Teacher: did you cheat on your math test? Me: [remembering having sex with a history exam] umm no way"
"There are 10 kinds of people in the world... Those who know binary and those who don't."
"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"
"We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too"