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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the Doctor for a physical. The doctor says, ""I'm sorry but you are going to need to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" the man asks. The doctor says, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Mom: Why are you eating my flowers? Me: I'm gonna be young FOREVER! Mom: How? Me: Duh, from the stem cells. Mom: I'm worried about you."

"I love being a pessimist. I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised."

"""Bro, if she can still walk to the kitchen to make you a sandwich, you did it wrong."" - murderers, apparently."

"I was woken up today by a tap on my door Odd sense of humor my plummer has."

"What do you get when you cross a drinking vessel filled with soda with a smoked meat product? Cupicola! ... HAHAHAHAHAHSHAHAHA Hahaha ha I'll see myself out"

"Did Ilean ever get in touch with you? ""Ilean who?"" I lean over and you kiss my ass!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ammonia ! Ammonia who ? Ammonia a poor little sparrow !"

"Q: What did the blonde's dentist find? A: Teeth in the cavity."

"If you die in the shower when you're shampooing do the police have to finish rinsing when they find you or is that the ME's job. Is it a job"