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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar... ...With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, ""Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"""

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"Why did the terrorist go to Sonic? To have a Blast!"
"A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks ""Do you have a previous criminal history?"" The visitor replies ""I didn't realize that was still a requirement"""
"Why did the octopus blush? He saw the bottom of the ocean"
"I am a dyslexic agnostic insomniac. I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog."
"How many feminists does it take to screw in lightbulb? It doesn't matter how many you get, because all they'll do is sit around complaining about how misogynistic the use of the word ""screw"" is."
"my Playstation got stolen... i have no one to console me."
"The definition of spin"
"The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit."
"Matthew 28, John 20. Luke 24, Mark 21. That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals."