196626

Joke of the Day

"The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit."

"Why did Microsoft skip windows 9? Because 7 ate 9"

"Why would anyone want to shoot themselves or others when we live in a world where weed, titties, Game of Thrones and free music exists?"

"Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well"

"What is Pitbull's first name Featuring"

"[Sahara desert] Me: *shares canteen* Companion: *holds it to his mouth but nothing comes out* Me: it's ketchup, you have to wait a bit."

"It's impossible not to look creepy whispering to a child"

"What did the suspenders say to the trousers? What's up, britches?!"

"Wanna hear a racist joke? What's worse than the Holocaust? The Jews."

"Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case."