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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like I like my women Ground up and in the fridge."

"wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing giraffe? me measuring the ceiling: no idea."

"What's up dawg? Me: Up dawg Person: What is that? Me: What is what? Person: Whats up dawg? Me: nothing much hbu Person: ..."

"Me: What do you call sex in December? Wife: Don't say it. Me: ... W: ... Me: Wintercourse. W: (to judge) See this is why I need a divorce."

"What's the difference between a Golden Chihuahua and a Golden Shower? You never have to pay before the dog'll pee on you."

"An octopus should have eightacles, not ten."

"People need to stop with all the gay jokes... ...I mean, come on guys."

"[blind date gets in car] Okay, I wanna have dinner early so we can go to Petco & watch 'em feed the snakes. Unless you wanna do Petco first."

"How does praying lead to a blow job? I don't know, ask an alter boy."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile! XD"