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Joke of the Day

"I'm quitting drinking for good Now I drink for Evil."

"At first notice, the word ""Diputseromneve"" looks quite ridiculous. However, if you read it backwards its even more stupid."

"Why did the farmer's bucket keep singing songs? Because it was haulin' oats."

"Be nice to Canadians, American tweeters. We're going to need somewhere to go after this next election"

"My wife and I were talking about obscure animals. She said, ""I want to get a manatee."" ""That's very generous,"" I replied, ""I take it with two sugars."""

"USA to Russia:"" What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner? ""Turkey"""

"I just had an AMAZING salad at McDonalds. The toppings I chose were 4 big macs & 10 chicken mc nuggets with 9 sweet & sour packs as dressing"

"Seriously, Twitter. Do NOT import my contacts."

"Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like ""I just wish he would support me, you know, creatively."""

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? Its cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"