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Joke of the Day

"Conjecture: At some point in 2013, our neighbors will get so high that they accidentally sell their own weed. For weed money. To buy weed."

"What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale? The Juan who lived."

"Hey girl, are you a grape? Because you are raisin my dick"

"'You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!' -pimples."

"what do you call a boring burrito? aburrido"

"Oh, you climbed Mt. Everest? Well, I live with 4 teenagers and ALL the laundry in the house is clean AND folded. ."

"You know what George Bush and Floyd Mayweather have in common? W."

"My wife cheated on me after I told her about my watchmaker buddy... I guess I should get a big clock, too."

"Every time my phone screen goes black... I wonder if it'll ever come back."

"What do you call a 10 ten old Irish boy who doesn't go to church? A virgin"