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Joke of the Day

"'You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!' -pimples."

"Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat? Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat."

"Why do gyms produce the best Rebels? Because of all the resistance training"

"Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby."

"Just goes to show, you're never to old to try new things. My nan starting running when she was 65, she's 71 now and we've no idea where she is."

"And then I realized, it's not that I love documentaries. I just love establishing shots of courthouses."

"Gerald: ""Have you ever come across a man who at the slightest touch caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"" Mabel: ""Yes the dentist."""

"[art store] You do free framing? ""With any purchase"" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do"

"What state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda"

"A bunch of NBA players decided to have a holiday party. They each brought a pass to dish."