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Joke of the Day

"Never give a baby alcohol unless you want him to go on and on about, ""the blacks."" Racist fucking babies."

"Not to be racist but... Every movie is widescreen to Asian people."

"[carrying sleeping cat out of burning house] seriously, what purpose do you serve"

"Beer is like sex. When it's good it's good...when it's bad it's still pretty good."

"I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance."

"Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row."

"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"

"I hate people who knock on my door and tell me that I need to be saved or I'm going to burn. Stupid firemen."

"I always eat at McDonald's when they do the Monopoly pieces. 1 in 4 wins obesity."

"What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grrrains."