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Joke of the Day

"Just been fined 500 for having a joint in my greenhouse. I guess people in glass houses shouldn't get stoned."

"What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house? Netflix and pill"

"You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands."

"Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that."

"Always wash your clothes in tide Because it's way too cold out-tide"

"My roommate from California was homesick So I stole his water bottle to make him feel more at home."

"Alabama: where the men are men and the sheep are scared"

"I met a Muslim biker once... He was the Sergeant at harams"

"What runs well and efficiently except when you need it to? The Seattle Seahawks"

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking."