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Joke of the Day

"Life advice: If someone ever tells you ""I'll be there in thirty minutes"", you should ALWAYS respond with ""You've got twenty"" and hang up."

"If your drug dealer answers your call on the first ring .... he's a cop."

"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but she charges me extra for weird stuff"

"I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now."

"Which is an Islamic trait? A.heading B.heading C.heading"

"The average person eats 8 spiders a year *eating 2nd bowl of spiders* ""WHO'S AVERAGE NOW DAD?"""

"Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented"

"What do Asgardians use to keep food hot? A Thormos."

"A warning to prisoners of the Matrix Snitches get glitches"

"Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know"