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Joke of the Day
"Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet."
Next Joke
"You like parachuting? That's messed up... you like the Paris Shooting!?"
"Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO!!"
"I'm not all that interested in Astronomy but, I really dig Uranus."
"How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout? You Messi-up"
"I'm going to name my dog ""Syndrome"". Whenever he jumps on someone, I can yell, ""Down Syndrome!""."
"Waiter what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae ? Skiing sir !"
"*Hires life coach* ""Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!"" *Fires life coach*"
"[starts Power Point presentation titled ""Why I'm Breaking Up With You""] Him: Wait, what the--? Me: Please hold all questions until the end."
"Wife: [eats hotdog, spills mustard & relish on her blouse] Me: HELLO TEMPTRESS"