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Joke of the Day

"TIL ~10,000 people quit smoking every year By dying. I'll ^show ^^myself ^^^out"

"Right? That noise. ~Me pretending that I know what I'm talking about when I get my car serviced"

"Q: You can sleep on it, brush your teeth with it and sit on it, what is it? A: A bed, a tooth brush, and a chair."

"Chuck Norris can't get through his steak breakfast without a fifth of whiskey."

"Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM? He kneaded the dough"

"Why are Jewish Men Circumcised? Because Jewish women don't touch anything unless it's 20% off!"

"Squirrels before girls."

"Ever hear about the farmer who bought a tractor with no seat and no steering wheel? Apparently he lost his ass and had no place to go....."

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies."

"I know this gem of a procrastination joke. I'll tell you later."