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Joke of the Day

"Keyboards should give an electric shock with each keystroke when caps lock is on."

"You know you're getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance."

"Why did the lemon turn green? Because he had lime disease"

"My friend said he's moving Saturday... I would have offered to help, but where would we move it to- Sunday?"

"Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out."

"I could not stop my baby boy from crying so I poured no tears shampoo in his eyes, it didn't work."

"Why is it so hard to find Thor's brother? Because he stays low key"

"*dinosaur at zoo roars at me* ""ROAR"" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this ""GROWL"" hmm ""SHOUT"" hmmm ""YELL"" hmmmmm ""HOLLER"" oh its a thesaurus"""

"What's Vatican City's national animal? The Papal bull."

"What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast Frozen Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt Hops Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine Fat Sugar Chocolate."