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Joke of the Day

"I only shave half my face in case that I get arrested so that they will have two different side profile pictures."

"To celebrate Star Wars we baked some ""Wookie Cookies"". They were a little on the Chewy side."

"My ex would always skip a letter when reciting the alphabet... She never said y"

"""Shelley's coming over."" ""Shelley from work or Shelley who was raised by gorillas?"" *gets hit in the face with poop*"

"ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches"

"Who really appreciates a good fisting? A sock puppy."

"Why do guitar amps hum? Because they don't know the words."

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn""... Stupid Firemen. [x-post /r/Christianity]"

"My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"

"Economists... If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."