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Joke of the Day
"Why didn't the French soldier fight in the battle of France? He was on a summer retreat!"
Next Joke
"So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I'm not pregnant when they ask when I'm due."
"A procrastinator and a depressed man walk into a bar... Depressed man: I'm driving straight off a bridge tonight. Procrastinator: I've been telling myself that for weeks."
"According to WebMD, this hairy thing on my chest is a cat"
"What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old."
"Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to ""sweep the leg"". They've all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it."
"(Blows you a kiss with chip crumbs hitting your face)"
"What do you get when einstein jacks off???? a stroke of genius!!!!! (its terrible, i know)"
"Lately I'm very optimistic about the future of my marriage... I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully he'll meet somebody... soon..."
"Sketch Artist: describe the man who attacked you Me: he had dark hair- Sketch Artist: one sec the Peanuts Character Creator is still loading"