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Joke of the Day

"Fun Fact: Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act because he thought it would prevent the McCallisters from leaving Kevin home alone again."

"If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake."

"I finally got Tinder ... and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire"

"Probably the slowest way to die is sloth with a knife."

"My girlfriend can be really loud during sex... I don't know why. She knows no one is coming to help"

"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."

"Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?"

"Tweeting angrily about issues does nothing. If you really want to make a difference, you have to get out there and sign an online petition."

"I get out of awkward conversations by pulling a balloon out, making a dog and just say I need to take it for a walk."

"Why are Juggalos obsessed with hatchets? Felons can't buy guns"