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Joke of the Day

"You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times."

"How does Harry Potter do web design? Inspecto Elemento"

"When you have kids, ""sleeping in"" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was."

"Obama: Hello Amer- *feels a tug on his suit coat* What Joe?? Biden: What color should the lion be? Yellow. Biden: I'm using green. *giggles*"

"George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here."

"Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready."

"There's a police officer trying to get me to roll down my window. I'm calling the cops."

"What do you call the kid of an Iceland and Cuban parents? Ice cubes."

"What do you call when a blonde dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence"

"Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn't look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out"