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Joke of the Day

"I once stayed up all night wondering where the sun went then it dawned on me."

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you racist."

"Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and shit."

"[drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?"

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"

"Stop calling hurricanes names, you're just giving them the attention that they want"

"Texting back and forth with a wrong number. I'm all ""Dude! Let's be BFF's!"". He/she is all ""Stop texting me"". CLASSIC him/her!"

"I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red"

"We're all big racist time bombs set for ""elderly."""

"a man goes to the doctor for an operation to get part of his colon removed. he turns to his doctor and says, so dose this make me a semi colon?"