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Joke of the Day

"Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and shit."

"This cab driver has zero clue that ive played crazy taxi extensively and am critiquing his every move"

"There really should be awards for getting out of bed."

"John Cena woke up in the hospital with no idea of what was going on. The nurse walked in and he asked ""Where am I?"" She responded ""ICU"" He said ""No you don't."""

"A genie grant a man two wishes Genie: What is your first wish? Jeff: I want to be Rich Genie: Okey, what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money"

"As a Florida resident... at least I'll have medical marijuana to treat the fucking cancer this election has given me. I won't even need a lighter, seeing as the country is already on fire."

"You're so fat, you could sell shade."

"What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology? It was a little over their heads"

"I wish Candy Canes were shaped less awkward and tasted more like cocaine."

"The fattest Knight at the round table was Sir Cumference. He had too much pi"