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Joke of the Day

"[drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?"

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"How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail? Because he was in a cent"
"What is the fastest animal in the world? The Ethiopian chicken."
"Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting? He knew that some of them wouldn't miss the blind ..."
"My dog used to chase after people on bike So I took the bike away from him."
"What are Pirate clothes made of? Yarrrrrn."
"Does Alfred masturbate? ... No he masturwaynes"
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
"once i saw a horse standing next to a car and when someone remote unlocked the car, the horse got spooked and kicked in the passenger door."
"Voldemort: So I just have to lie? Pinocchio: Yep"