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Joke of the Day

"If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck."

"Lord of the Rings is symbolic of Marriage One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on."

"Shout out to all the sassy receptionists out there. I won't even go near businesses that don't have sassy as hell receptionists."

"Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing"

"Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding."

"""911 wats ur emergency"" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number"

"What do you call a train full of Jews? Doesn't matter they're not coming back."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection... Judge says, First offender?' She says, No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"

"This ATM will not give me free money no matter how many times I try the Konami Code."

"Finally my winter fat is gone... Now I have spring rolls."