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Joke of the Day

"Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding."

"Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan."

"I've invented a solar-powered still! It turns sunshine into moonshine. Credit: Quirk."

"HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO RUIN IT WITH SEX. SURE, YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, THEY JUST DON'T SEE YOU IN THAT WAY"

"What does an Eskimo do if his house falls down? Igloos it back together."

"What is the difference between boogers and Brussels sprouts? Little kids will eat boogers."

"My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can."

"The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat."

"""What's funny?"" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. ""Why's that funny?"" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane."