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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said ""I love you"". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister."

"*Rains pennies from heaven* *coins decimate the land [terrified scream] 'CHANGE IS IN THE AIR!'"

"Q: Where do bees go on their day off? A: To the wax museum."

"Help! I'm a fat man trapped in a skinny body!"

"I learned about genetic mutation in biology today. It was my first class."

"Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me... I suffered super fish oil injuries."

"A nun goes to the greengrocer, asking for a cucumber. ""Get 2"" he says. ""So you have one to eat"""

"What kind of key gets shit done? A do key."

"The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances. *locks doors*"

"Did you hear about the joke about the broken pencil? Well, there-- Nevermind, it's pointless."