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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a bridge. What's come over you? Oh two cars a large truck and a coach."

"[my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening"

"Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said ""strip down facing me,"" she meant my credit card."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? Zero."

"I have a clear conscience until a police car pulls behind me. Then I'm like ""OH GOD WHAT IF I MURDERED SOMEONE DID I MURDER SOMEONE"""

"eer booze and fun!' 'How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet."

"Why are things sent by car called shipments, and things sent by ships called cargo?"

"I've just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there. I couldn't put it down."

"Did you hear 50 Cent was selling concert tickets for just $0.45 cents?! It was featuring nickleback..."

"Trampolines used to be called jumpolines Until your mom jumped on one back in 1972."