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Joke of the Day

"How many 'friend-zoned' guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"Why was Stalin literally worse than Hitler? Because Hitler at least wrote his own books"

"Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel"

"What do you give the guy who has everything? Penicillin"

"I've been thinking about getting a tattoo and I've finally decided on this one. I don't know what it means, but it looks really cool! "

"What has two wings and an arrow? A Chinese telephone"

"What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles? Dead in a tunnel."

"What's the longest word in the world? Smiles. Because there's a mile between each 'S'."

"If you are ever cold. If you are ever cold, go to a corner. It's usually 90 degrees."

"This headline stunned me- ""Mars to reduce carbon emissions"" Until I realized it was the candy maker ... and not the planet."