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Joke of the Day

"Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel"

"Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used Condom hanging off your dick... Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started."

"Fun Fact: Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act because he thought it would prevent the McCallisters from leaving Kevin home alone again."

"Cracked a joke about the Titanic. Went down well."

"i went to a 5 Guys burgers and fries and there was only one guy. im just gonna say what were all thinking. the other 4 guys died at benghazi"

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Former police officers are offering their services to appear in court for you. It's a form of copper recycling."

"If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man!"

"I have a new theory about the most effective way to sabotage condoms... ... but you'll probably just poke holes."