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Joke of the Day

"My wife walked in on me last night and shouted, ""What the hell are you doing with that ivory and gold dress?"" I said, ""It's not what it looks like!"""

"Women are good politicians... Because they know how to introduce bills in the house."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender, confusing idioms with jokes, offers the horse water but cannot make it drink."

"What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa."

"It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose."

"I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen, I want to live on in my apartment."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you're twelve before it comes on your face."

"Why are Fiat cars named as such? Because they aren't really worth anything. Econ 101 humor."

"Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest? Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

"Why should you never trust a cheap circumcision? It's a total ripoff."