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Joke of the Day

"Who forgot his phone charger today? THIS gu"

"I'm putting ""open bar"" on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn't mean u can skip it, slackers."

"""Dad"" said Fred to his father who was a bank robber. ""I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."" ""OK son"" said his dad ""I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."""

"Did you guys hear the one where the Imam joins the priest and rabbi walking into the bar? That's because muslims can't drink."

"Doing crystal meth lowers your risk of dying from cancer... by raising your risk of dying from crystal meth."

"What is the difference between a cult and a religion? Popularity."

"How many Tourette's suffers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ass fucking cunt bitch just one cocksucker whore"

"If you have a referee in football what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes!"

"Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing"

"Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!"