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Joke of the Day

"I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, forced to go to school and get an education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck."

Next Joke
 
"On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck."
"Apple is hiring McDonald's employees.... .....Do you want a Dongle with that?"
"Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure."
"Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves"
"""Yes I understand that's your face, but it's also the place where I need to put my butthole."" - Cats"
"How do blind skydivers know when to pull the cord? ..The leash goes slack"
"What's the difference between US Politics and WWE? one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling."
"Wife: ""If I die first, I want you to remarry."" Me: ""Wow. Do you really hate me that much?"""
"Calculus Joke http://i.imgur.com/4s8NLUO.jpg Not mine, but thought I'd share anyway. Hope you like it!"