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Joke of the Day

"I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now"

"A hipster has just died Welcome to heaven, says god. The hipster turns back : no way, I'm going to hell before it's cool"

"I used to love going to dinner parties as a little girl My wife hated it though."

"Teacher: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich? Me: Because the poor didn't have any fucking money."

"I just got back from a once in a lifetime trip.... ....I'll tell you what, never again"

"I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion..."

"I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels."

"A boy walked into class 20 minutes late and really high. My teacher asked him why he was so late and he said, ""I don't know, I think there were more stairs than usual."""

"Sometimes, I look at the kids of today and think, ""Thank god I'll be dead by the time you grow up."""

"The answer is ""preludes"" Name something Bill Cosby gives to nuns."