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Joke of the Day

"I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion..."

"[tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend."

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."

"Stopped by the apple store to see if they have a better phone than the Samsung Galaxy S3......ilaughed"

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding... ...and then I saw her face."

"Somebody called me a free spirit today and my heart leapt as I turned back to my paperwork."

"Q: Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor? A: Because she was in the non-friction section."

"I just don't know where I stand on masturabation... I mean, on one hand it feels good, but on the other hand it feels bad."

"If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees"

"By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering."