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Joke of the Day

"A year on twitter... I remember when all this was fields."

"If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?"

"My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys."

"I always keep a baseball bat under my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me."

"This is gonna be misinterpreted, but I've been sitting on hard wood for an hour and my ass is killing me"

"RICK AND MORTY SEASON 3 RELEASED! Just not in this dimension.."

"What's the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snow balls"

"""Alexander's not so Great"" - younger brother, Steve the Ok"

"What's a golfer's favourite games console? A PS FOUR!"

"[date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it's not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*"