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Joke of the Day

"Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye."

"I used to have phone sex now I have hearing aids"

"I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning."

"Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common."

"Alcoholics don't run in my family They stumble around and break things"

"What is the room temperature on Tatooine? Lukewarm"

"What's a pirate's favorite workout program? Pirates (pronounced like pilates)"

"He took me from a bar. He took me in his car....... He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!"

"Why did D.R.E. call his headphones Beats? He named them after his favorite father-son activity."

"Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze."