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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass? An investigator."

"I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you."

"How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key."

"I like my weekdays like Marx likes his societies. Classless."

"Hide a Body? What's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google."

"That Russian guy died today.... I guess that's one we can Chekov the list."

"Teacher: Frd give me a sentence starting with ""I."" Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No Fred. You must always say ""I am."" Fred: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

"I guess I just felt safer when Martha Stewart was still in prison."

"Nietzsche: God is dead God: Nietzsche is dead [they both turn to camera] THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT OUR MATTRESS PRICES"

"What's common between Canadians and Belgians? They're mostly really nice people, but they have the French living there too."