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Joke of the Day
"I guess I just felt safer when Martha Stewart was still in prison."
Next Joke
"When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally. Classic rook-y mistake."
"dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun"
"What is a businessman's favorite game? Call of Duty: Economic Warfare"
"Disabled toilets... Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in."
"Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant"
"Just left a note on the ex's car saying ""I STILL LOVE YOU"" hope it doesn't go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep."
"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""why the long face?"" ""My crippling alcoholism is destroying my family"""
"I'm told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn't wear certain things anymore - like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies."
"Why did the sperm cross the road? Actually, I should probably stop masturbating at this point."