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Joke of the Day
"What is Donald Trumps least favorite day of the week? Taco Tuesday."
Next Joke
"Girl: I can't wait to have kids! I babysit so I pretty much know what it's like to be a parent. It'll be easy. Me: *laughs for 20 minutes*"
"Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7"
"Beer - tastes like I have friends Title."
"Variety is the spice of life, until it comes to shower controls."
"I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming."
"What sexual position creates the ugliest kids? I dunno, ask your mom."
"Life hack for driving Always get your driver's license picture taken when your stoned. That way, the police will think you always look that way."
"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner All it was doing was gathering dust."
"Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn? Because he's *alright alright alright*."