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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn? Because he's *alright alright alright*."

"What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care."

"I judge a book by it's cover when the cover is a picture worth 1000 words."

"Just told my kid her freckles are kisses from angels and she said freckles are actually clusters of concentrated melanin. THANKS NICK JR. :("

"Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?"

"Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here."

"What's the best way to turn a pussy into a dick? Give it a badge."

"There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter"

"What is the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney."

"Why did the boy peek down the toilet bowl? He was trying to find Winnie the Pooh."