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Joke of the Day

"Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through."

"If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?"

"My math paper had a question involving finding the expectation of a die roll. It took me a moment to figure out what it means"

"I'm not looking for a TC, I'm looking for someone with a woodchipper who doesn't ask questions."

"You hear Steve Sarkisian actually wanted to be a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar"

"Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area."

"What do you call one chickpeas smashing another? Hummuscide... *italics* gentleman bows"

"Told by the driver of the bus we were on Driver: so you hear president obama is in the hospital right? Us: no we didnt Driver: he cant stop putin"

"What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin"

"So it turns out that my girlfriend has been starring in amateur voyeurism porn videos. Boy is she going to be pissed when she finds out!"