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Joke of the Day

"If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good."

"[auditions for laundry detergent commercials just so I can splash brightly colored food on myself on purpose]"

"Women are too sensitive. My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father."

"Have you heard about the corporation that controls all the world's cheese? The hallouminatti."

"Why do they play this music on the elevators if we're not suppose to slow dance:)"

"Prince has died. The artist fully known as alive."

"My Bathroom I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning."

"What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long? I hate raisin kids!"

"What does a nosey pepper do? I gets ""jalapeno"" business!"

"NOTHING says ""I am batshit, incapable of relationships, bad with money & cannot be trusted"" like colored contact lenses."