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Joke of the Day

"*turns on alarm* Alarm: I have a headache"

"I returned some shorts to Walmart and bought a pizza, with the credit I had received, to share with my wife... She kinda ate my shorts."

"I was yelled at after church today, Apparently ""Jeez and crackers"" is not an appropriate name for the Eucharist."

"A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor."

"TIFU by telling a terrorist joke to my Muslim girlfriend. She blew up in my face."

"My doctor told me during my physical that I needed to stop masturbating When i asked him why, he said ""because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""

"The Clock is Ticking... 9:09 9:10 George Bush 9:12 9:13"

"And God said unto John: ""Come forth, and you shall be granted immortality."" But John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"To impress a woman in the workplace, ignore her body and compliment her IDEAS. Example: Sharon it was a great idea to wear that tight skirt"

"Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread."