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Joke of the Day

"To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one."

"How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart? You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!"

"What do you call a frozen hamburger? A ham-brrr-ger. my 7yo claims she made it up herself."

"YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street."

"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo"

"What's his name? A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's *her* name? A: Betty Will"

"During your interview, try ending every sentence with ""dot jpg"". ""How would you say you handle job pressure?"" --Not a problem.jpg"

"What they say: ""Hey, have you lost weight?"" What they mean: ""Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"""

"It only took three years but I finally finished eating that box of taquitos from Costco."

"When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07"