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Joke of the Day

"Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?"

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"My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters"
"Today I heard a guy on the street say, ""It's chowder season, baby!"" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words"
"Finally made it with a Chinese midget .. It didn't last Tu Long though"
"What do hard-working grocery store clerks get every year? A celery increase."
"I saw my waitress had a black eye so I ordered really slow Since she's obviously not good at listening."
"What do you call a quadriplegic in the ocean? Bob..."
"A third-party vote walks out of a bar... He says ""Wow, I'm wasted."""
"Beethoven must've hated his music... Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing."
"How does a butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty"