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Joke of the Day
"OMG MOM SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SUMMON THE DARK LORD TO PLAY SCRABBLE YES I WANT A HAM OMELETTE"
Next Joke
"The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me."
"*hands stranger a condom S: I don't need this Me: Yes, you do. I saw the way you pulled out of your driveway. Your pull out game is weak"
"There are two types of people in the world. Those that categorize people into two types and those who don't."
"WIFE: He's just so distant lately ME [skywriting]: U N T R U E"
"So I looked up Jewish porn the other day... But all I found was ash to mouth."
"""Room service? Send up a larger room."""
"If contraception is birth control... ... abortion is birth control-alt-delete."
"How do you greet a gay Hispanic? Homo Estas!"
"Don't insult me by looking into my eyes. This bra cost me $65."