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Joke of the Day

"Tom should concentrate less on Myspace and more on his shoe business"

"Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive. That's the last time I use that towing company."

"I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin."

"*jumps into volcano as sacrifice* *volcano spits me back out*"

"Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself."

"EXEPT FOR TWO THINGS Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet"

"When life gives you melons... ... you might be dyslexic."

"I am so used to automatic doors at work that when I come across one I have to physically open I just stand there like a dummy"

"Q: Why did god give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows? A: So they wouldn't shit all over when you played with their tits."

"I saw a ""best at sex"" contest for gay men, where the judges were your fellow participants. It looked fun, so I entered the competition."